How many ways are there to count the blessings of being married to my JJ? I hardly know where to start. From the moment I met him back in 2000 as we both volunteered for a Super Bowl Outreach event through our church, I knew he was an admirable human. First of all, he was the same age as I, single (not previously married), and NORMAL! With eyes that stand out. Though I didn’t see him really for another couple of years, as our circles just didn’t overlap, I remember telling my good friend whom I visited in Africa about him that summer after the Super Bowl. Time revealed we had mutual friends, who got together and had us meet in their home. That weekend, he asked me out. Eleven months later, we were married. And happily so ever since. No false illusions here – we are a marriage reflecting two human, sinning, flawed creatures. Some moments are tough – but we always catch our breath, keep honest, pray and seek to better, with God’s help, our areas of selfishness and weakness. JJ is level headed and wise. His laugh is distinctive. Dude can cook! He is gifted in leadership and strategic planning. His ability to be diplomatic without letting people get away with crap is sought after in sticky situations. Deep in his heart is an abiding desire to see people choose to follow Christ and grow over a lifetime in that commitment. Our children will know him as a man who works hard, loves to spend time with them, who teaches them to enjoy God’s Word and pray, a dad who does things they’re interested in with them, and who loves to laugh. He has been recognized by work colleagues, fellow church body friends/family, and neighbors as easy-going, yet driven, friendly and non-pretentious, able to lead well and overall a nice guy. I concur. He is also a man who takes his wife and marriage seriously, being patient and kind, listening, encouraging, loving, etc. I pray we grow together even more, continue to enjoy cooking together, serving together, praying together, waiting for and watching God’s answers together, raising our kids together, developing friends together, opening our home to others together, laughing together, playing cribbage together, gardening together, and more and more and more. He is a wonderful man. I love him. I am SOOO blessed. Wow – how is it some other cool chick didn’t nab him?! How could God have been so kind to me as to set him aside to love me, and I him. Wow. And today marks another year of life lived and life (God-willing) to look forward to. Who knows what even the next hour of our lives hold – but I thank the One who does that He’s provided a lover and friend to go into the upcoming hours, days, months and hopefully years with.

Psalm 77:11
I will remember the deeds of the LORD; yes, I will remember your miracles of long ago.

Psalm 111:3-5
3 Glorious and majestic are his deeds,
and his righteousness endures forever.
4 He has caused his wonders to be remembered;
the Lord is gracious and compassionate.

Isaiah 46:9,10
Remember the former things, those of long ago;
I am God, and there is no other;
I am God, and there is none like me.
10 I make known the end from the beginning,
from ancient times, what is still to come.
I say, ‘My purpose will stand,
and I will do all that I please.’

Natalie Merchant: ” These are days to remember”

Remembrance – a key factor in hope, I think. Whether a particular day ends up being simply mundane details cared for from dawn til dusk, whether unexpected trauma blows up unexpectedly, or whether the course of a day ends up somewhere in between, I think we all find ourselves wondering, “Why this? Why now? Why me? Why not me?” -not always in a demanding sort of tone, but within a framwork of just trying to understand how it all goes together and is God as present and powerful in a day spent cleaning & folding laundry & taxi-ing children as He is when He’s performed miraculous healing for someone we may know. My guess is, in those moments, He asks us to remember. In the Old Testament, people often erected monuments of remembrance of God performing something amazing on their behalf for His Name’s sake so that when they passed it or thought of it on a day otherwise filled with seemingly trivial pursuits, they would be reminded of His desire for us to be aware of His presence and that He will show Himself to be faithful on behalf of those faithful to Him at times that will accomplish His purposes and grow us in knowledge of Him. A knowledge that will fuel a different, hopefull perspective on the every day.

As this week has gone by, I’ve heard of God intervening in a family who nearly lost 3/4 of its members due to a crazy accident yet now less than a week later, all are in tact, healing and home. I’ve also heard some people articulate that they’re not sure they can really believe He is the only One to address our prayers to, I sometimes panic that my children will not know what to make of such a schitzophrenic world. So…I must remember the times when I was certain beyond a shadow of a doubt that He had answered my prayers, that He pulled even my little life’s details together in such a way that it was CLEAR He was on the move in my life and times. I feel the need to remember now. Remember not only what I’m learning about Him from how He’s moved in friends’ lives recently that is OBVIOUSLY Him, and clearly at work in the present, but also remember the times I have recognized His obvious handiwork in my life.

One such time helps me on those days of just ticking off the accomplishment of life’s daily duties, wondering why we live in a place of relative ease. When we lived in the big city, need was out in the open everywhere, and it was not hard to figure out what “loving your neighbor” needs there were. In a sanitized suburb an hour or so away, it’s not so easy, and we wonder what are we doing HERE? But then, we REMEMBER.

When we realized that a 90-minute commute each way to work for my hubby was not conducive to healthy family life, and sensing that he was not receiving direction from God to switch jobs, we realized to have time to spend together and build spiritual and relational foundations into our family and kids, the time on the road needed to be decreased. So, a move was in order. We put the house we were in on the market, got a great offer, and then it fell through, and THEN the market crashed. Oddly enough though, I knew God had shown Himself present and communicating. Up til the deal falling through, He had answered every specific prayer of mine – number of visits to the house, the price range and time frame we were asking for. It was discouraging when the deal fell through, but i KNEW that He was revealing that when the time was right, He would be very specific in answering prayers then. AND, in retrospect, it’s not just that in our experience God is consistent in communicating to us in sale and purchasing of homes (which He is…it’s amazing how consistently I know He will be there at such times), but He gets that specific for us when He wants us to be somewhere, and He must have reasons for wanting us where He does. He wanted to us to be in the city a while longer, as there was a role for JJ to play in how He was working out His purposes in the church we were in. JJ was a contributor of prayer and wisdom during some pretty critical times. Only 15 months later, we revisited the idea of moving again. As we met with a realtor from our church, a genuinely God-fearing lady, it became clear that with the climate of the market, a home-selling was not going to be easy, but also, it would only be getting worse in the next 4-6 months to come. On Dec 5th of that year, we were up on the market. I prayed for a certain number of showings each week, and with the exception of Christmas week, we got that exact number of showings each time. One of our prayers was asking God this time (we hadn’t previously) if indeed HE was releasing us from what He had us doing at our church. THe hiring of a new staff member – that we had over for dinner – who would carry on a similar vision confirmed for us that taking the next step seemed ok. Early on after putting the house on the market, Jim sensed in his praying that God would bring a buyer for us once we had completed our participation in an upcoiming elder (&families) retreat. I thought that was incredibly optomistic and specific, and wasn’t quite sure I could buy into those specific dates. I became even less certain when on Dec 21 we noticed a multi-unit building two doors down had just gotten boarded up. I sat in the car on Christmas eve in our garage telling God how I just didn’t get it! How could we have been so erroneous in reading His leading, cuz certainly a boarded up building was certain doom to successfully selling our home! My hubby, however, though left wondering a little, was mostly undaunted and stuck by his elder retreat dates. We piled our little family into a car to head to the reatreat. As we left on that Friday afternoon, two more showings were scheduled, completing the number of showings for the week I had prayed for. That night, we got a call. There was interest. The next morning, a contract with the offer was faxed to us. For ASKING PRICE. Two doors down from a boarded up building!! They wanted to close in 6 weeks. It was SO obvious God was working on our behalf, I cried when I saw the papers. We had to look for a new house immediately. Our original inclination had been to move to the town my husband worked in. Something didn’t seem totally settled in my heart about it, but I didn’t knwo whereelse to look. Somehow, though some conversations with his colleagues, we decided to look at a little community town 25 minutes from his work. The day after returning from the retreat, JJ had to go out of town for work. I contacted a recommended realtor and chose to have her show me houses in that community town. As I drove for the very first time into town and saw the water tower with the town’s name on in, I was inexplicably overcome with tears and a certainty inside that “this is our new home”. I looked at 6 homes, narrowed it down to three. JJ and I looked at those three together and agreed on one with a walk-out basement and small public park at the end of the property. We almost lost our chance to make an offer as another couple become interested, so within an hour of that conversation made and won our offer. Whew!

We love this place. But sometimes wonder what eternal things are we a part of here. It’s so nice it’s sometimes hard to see. Others we know struggle and endure way more hardships. I know being here doesn’t make us immune…I hope we never lose sight of that.

But whatever I don’t know about why we are where we are, I DO know God definitively PUT us here. I will remember that, and endeavor to remain faithful and with my eyes open to recognize that His Spirit is as present here as anywhere… There is no corner of the earth that remains outside His desire for all to know Him.

Seven years ago today I had a boy in my belly who couldn’t get out on his own because the placenta was blocking his exit route. What a privilege to be alive and pregnant in the age of modern medicine and to have a c-section allowing he and I to be totally fine! Today he is a tall, handsome, healthy 7 year old!
I will continue to add to this post throughout the day, to honor this gift of God to our family, as every child’s life is precious.

Birthdays in our family include favorite foods and this morning we’ll have chocolate filled croissants (thanks Trader Joes!), and daddy’s special “cheesy scrams” (eggs). Then presents and more fun times throughout the day.

First, a couple Easter pics – he looked very handsome even tho he was VERY reluctant to be in a tie (tears involved).
The consolation was that he was allowed to keep his shirt untucked.

Update: We had some of our dearest friends come from WI to spend the day with us for JJjr’s birthday. All the kids go off and play so nice and the adults get to catch up. Their son is JJjrs longest time friend.

Right now I have a moment to write this because we have an unexpected game delay at the Chicago Fire soccer game. JJ’s position at his company has had the good fortune of being able to secure a promotion sponsorship of the team. The CF staff has been gracious to Jim and arranged a fun game day for us and three of JJjr’s friends and dads. His friends got to be a part of the team’s “tunnel of fire” entrance onto the field, while JJ and JJjr got to do the coin toss. Then it began to POUR!!! And here’s a picture of the eating cotton candy sheltered from them rain.

In closing on this day: our son is a joy! Not perfect, not without moments that cause us stress, dismay, sometimes anger or frustration…i.e. normal! But he is also a bright spot. He is uniquely HIM. A little bit bumbling and not always coordinated. Yet he is almost perpetually active and loves to be running around outside. He amazes me sometimes at his stick-to-it attitude when faced with being in a position when others around him are better at things than he is. He is not the fastest runner but still races and keeps on no matter how many times he’s been last. He’ll stick in there in a game of baseball even tho he doesn’t excel in it. Sometimes he gets discouraged and frustrated, but he keeps going or tries again another time. Same with reading – not a fav of his, but he keeps at it and just went up one more level! I admire that about him and am so proud. He’s got some good foundations of noble character. I love his questions about God and life… Recently he noticed Earth Day noted on his school lunch calendar and he asked if that’s a day we celebrate when God finished creating the earth. It should be, and THAT’S the reason we should take care of it. He asked yesterday if once we’re in heaven, can we get kicked out? I love that he’s outdoorsy but also enjoys board games and puzzles. And man, he’s got THE best laugh!!!! His name means “healer”, and we continue to pray that as he begins to really learn about God and come to know Him and His plan for him, that he be an agent of God’s healing – in prayer, in relationships, etc. Meanwhile he loves to sneak up on me and shoot me with his nerf gun then slap his thigh and laugh. He still gets a kick out of flarp – got a fresh one from his teacher for his birthday. He loves to ask his daddy to play pool or Wii with him. And even though he’s asked to walk home from school on his own now and I miss him running down the walkway with a smile to greet me as he leaves the school building, he does still greet me with that same smile when I walk to meet him at the corner, just by the house next door. It’s so fun to see him love his friends and to giggle and scheme and run and play. It’s great to see him as a brother who loves his sister and most of the time genuinely enjoys her company and the funny little things that stand out about who she is. I’m praying God expands his heart with compassion and awareness to the needs of others – and begin to become cognizant of how God might want to use him even now. I’m praying he becomes strong to stand for what is right no matter what. And mostly i’m so thankful God let us have him and be his parents even tho i feel like i don’t know what i’m doing more often than i feel comfortable with. He is our son. He is loved.

Our time together as a family in the past few weeks has been a blessing. We’ve learned a lot in the parenting course we attended – the accompanying book call Spiritual Parenting by Michelle Anthony. It’s always nice to be infused with fresh perspective and ideas, not mention some affirmations along the way. We had a great vacation time in San Francisco, connecting with some extended family, catching up with old friends from Chicago, getting to visit with the families of some of JJ’s colleagues, seeing sea lions on the beach, and watching the kids have a great time just climbing rocks on the beach and discovering starfish, anemonies, etc as part of life there.
The icing on the cake came today as JJ had re-articulated the reason for Jesus dying and the joy of the resurrection, and mentioning that JJ Jr had made a deliberate choice to follow Him a little over a year ago, and that when AJ was ready to do the same she could tell us, when she announced that she already had, and had prayed one night when she went to bed (which is also what I had done around age 6). Just to seal the deal, she was willing to pray out loud with JJ. On Easter Sunday – so wonderful! As always, we’re well aware that such proclamations made at a young age will be accompanied over time by a greater understanding of what following Jesus really means as well as a greater understanding of the deathly affect of our sin without Him. Meanwhile, we will continue to affirm the decision she says she’s made and pray she matures in it. What a day of rejoicing!!

It’s true! And has been for days! The weather has been divine! What a blessed relief from the normal winter. Whew! It’s funny during this Lent season – prepping to intentionally remember the brutal price paid for us by God’s one and only Son – how such nice weather changes the focus some. When it’s cold and dreary most days it somehow makes it easier to remember what Christ endured on our behalf. Such nice weather, however, seems to make Easter so exciting to look forward to! He didn’t just suffer in bodily torture and die. He rose! He gained the victory FOREVER! Woo-hoo! Meanwhile, we continue to prep our kids to face the reality of what Jesus went through, endured through in love, to rescue us from the penalty of our daily sin which would lead to a truly horrific eternity without Him. Our faith in what He’s accomplished on our behalf is equivalent to the blood over our door preventing eternal death from claiming us in its clutches. A true, every day Passover. This Lent we’re learning the Lord’s prayer…the words AND their meaning. We’re about to approach “Forgive us our debts as we have forgiven our debtors..” – the heart of the work He came to complete. In some ways, the stellar temps and sunshine help to anchor that hope of heaven, where I’m certain everyday is sunny and 80 . The hope He came to offer us, an eternity of peace and joy with Him. Can’t wait!

You wake up, you think you know what your day will be like, what the schedule is for the day, the week…and then out of the blue that routine (with all the expectations, assumptions and people involved) which holds you up is blown out of the water and you’re left free-falling. It doesn’t matter if it was a stick of dynamite or an inch-long fire cracker…the fact is, whatever it is I rely on to feel normal, secure, my worth shining through…can all be flying bits of scrap at any unexpected moment. Surprise tragedy comes along or even unexpected news that upsets what was anticipated and just trying to catch your breath takes every ounce of energy you have. Any illusion of control is evaporated. For me, i find i can either crumble in desperation (or take a less drastic route and simply buy a few Nutter Butter cookies to “so there!” with), or have the ability to see the humor from a Divine perspective in my attempt to control and know what’s coming up in life. Fortunately, i’ve not rubbed shoulders with utter catastrophe this time round and I’m in a place where a chuckle has room to sneak in, even comfort. But the wake up call is to daily surrender to my God and Redeemer, the Master orchestrator of all my life’s details and instruct my heart to hold loosely to things which i ultimately can’t control, while still not withdrawing my heart from loving my neighbor (& friends, family) as myself. If i did a better job at focusing my efforts to that mandate, the sudden alteration of life’s details may not be so jarring.

Lighter note: kid question of the week from my son: “Mom, has anybody ever mailed themselves in a box?”

Creators of full length animated movies sometimes put out “shorts”: short cartoon stories.

I can’t possibly relay everything going on in our fam life, so this blog represents shorts.

Sometimes even short shorts , like the following:

Our son asked today: does God speak a different language? Seems like it would be easy to answer til you start trying to put actual words to it!

Our daughter demonstrated the magic of childhood when, while floating about in a pool, she’s extemporaneously making up words to a song that is fully inclusive of (but not limited to) the words “surfing Barbie”, “everyone who believes in Him will not perish” AND the tune of “The More We Get Together”.

REALLY enjoying the book Grace-Based Parenting. Sounds like it could be “liberal” parenting, but SO not!

Incredible to see the openness of children wanting to include and show grandparents what’s happening in their world – even with technology. I just think it’s cool.

Some sunshine and heat soaking into a body chilled to the bone by winter is a wonderful blessing.

so this is what happens when i don’t sit down long enough to write and stay current with what happens as it happens…now just bullet points to summarize:

~ it is February in the midwest. the mostly mild days have been SOO nice, but it is still chilly and drab. always at this time of year life closes in a little bit and i lose a bit of my sense of “flow”. thankfully, i find out quite regularly i’m not alone… some of the most mature, respected women i know experience the same thing. whew! i’d either be checking in somewhere or checking out all together if i was totally alone.

~ baby girl – thankfully with tubes in her ears this year – also struggles with her health this time of year. been on and off sick the past two weeks…first just lethargic and low temp, two days later fine. the next weekend, throwing up, then high fever for 36 hours. 5 days later lots-o-congestion and goo coming out an ear. Sinus infection. Finally on antibiotics. Whew – should be good to go for traveling to Nani and Papa’s next week.

~ AJ’s interesting question of last week: When i die and go to heaven, will my skin be light or dark?

~ a couple home improvements can do wonders for increasing comfy hominess.

~ JJ and i in process to be small group leaders through church. dont know what the future holds, who we’ll be entrusted with or why, but looking forward to what’s in store.

~ JJjr’s pinewood derby cub scouts this past week – his car: the ninja star. mostly designed it himself, though had considerable help executing. didn’t place for a large
trophy, but did win one heat.

~ JJjr’s latest new preference in life: sleeping in boxer shorts and t-shirt. can’t even really pinpoint what caused the transition, other than daddy sleeps in boxers. but hey….at least he sleeps wearing something!

~ beginning to get some writing time. even if just once a week. still makes me feel like there’s some progress. maybe i can send to publishing within next 5 yrs… Maybe sooner?

~ church staff member went to B-desh for a meeting. sent along letters and trinkets for girls we support. looking forward to hearing any kind of update.

~ annual daddy-daughter dance for Valentines Day happened yesterday. Aj was in her element – loves to dress up and be pretty. what a special time – it’s an annual event, so i’m looking forward (God willing) to her more grown up years and hearing what these memories will mean to her.

~ some of my worst mama moments in recent days. the greatest lesson being my NEEEEEEED for being in prayer, the great need and value in apologizing in a meaningful way to my children, and the ability to humble myself even to my children and show them that i KNOW i need Jesus and the forgiveness He bought on my behalf every day.

~ whitney houston dying – probablly most haunting that her last public performance was singing Jesus Loves Me. I wonder if she REALLY knew that….

~ as CS Lewis points out in The Four Loves, friends are God-given. Not just a result of to whom you can be popular. I am astounded at the friends in my life. Gals who pray. Who are honest. Who understand the need to receive and extend grace cheerfully. Who encourage and empathize. Who listen but also reveal in a real way.
thank you LORD! for margaritas and processing with neighbor friends. for prayer partners. for covenant friendships. for those who listen to God and sometimes He puts me in their hearts/minds….wow. how can i mean enough for that?

~ more soon…

Here’s my son dressed for rock star night at our church’s Wed nite kids program. His personality is so NON-rock star it’s so funny to see him like this. At one point seeing himself in the mirror he said,”i look like someone else.”. But he was liking it!
On these Wed nites my hubby usually takes our son and stays at the church in a conference room getting work or Bible study done. Tonite he’s at a dinner mtg and our three-doors-down neighbor will bring him home. BECAUSE i have an early to bed daughter who barely can even stay awake on the drive home. Indeed… She did not make it home awake tonite. On such nites this past year i carry her up to bed while she either fusses or giggles in her sleepiness as i get her out of clothes (and coat and shoes) and into jammies then shut the door and head downstairs to finish whatever. Tonite, i sit here in the car with her deep sleep breathing. It’s quiet, peaceful. The tasks inside calling to me aren’t as loud out here. With the love-o-my-life gone all last week and busy most nites this week, there’s little down time and always something yet to be completed.
But here i am in a moment of silence…and there’s a choice to be made. I can keep up with the momentum of tasks that ever loom , or i can let the dust settle in my heart/mind and look squarely at what’s there. I could stay wonderfully on top of all the to-do’s and present an image of all- togetherness or have enough material to work with to justify any crankiness or critical spirit putting down others. Ha! Like i EVER have it all together. And perhaps i’m the subject of secret scoffing for everyone else who surely is earning crowns in heaven for domestic perfection. I’m gonna be just lucky to be there ( heaven)!
No… The truth is i’ve got stuff churning deep inside … Learning about Jesus’ definition of generosity…including forgiveness. They’re not mutually exclusive.
I want to be sure of what the future holds based on life right now, but I can’t be certain. There’re no guarantees. It’s good to grasp that, i guess, but its unsettling too. It can be hard to have a loose hold on the familiar, the comfortable.
It’s a struggle to have vulnerabilities exposed to people who limit their practice of grace-giving, not realizing that there’s little superiority to be had here. In moments of examining the secrets in every heart (whether we choose to do so now or wait til we’re before Him and He lays ‘em ALL out) the playing field really is quite level. But wow! There are people we all encounter who dont seem to think so…
Thank God for those who do. Who pray, forgive, and link arms with us, with me and I them. And together, in one fashion or another we face what’s next. It’s nice to have a moment to think it through a little and realize where to go in praying through.
For now, i need to get my daughter up to her bed and make my son’s lunch for tomorrow, while chuckling at my daughter’s earlier- in- the – day question: how many heads does God HAVE so that He can see everything?!
PS- newsflash from my son: the Dollar Tree has tye-dye FLARP!

Clearly the overall “feel” to this blog is more contemplative, pondering, exploring the inextricable spiritual side to life that exists whether we’re aware of it all the time or not.
And then…
FLARP.
This past Friday afternoon. my son gets home from school amid a snowstorm. Not the worst we’ve seen, for sure, but enough to make the roads tricky for a good 4+ hours. He walks in the door, red cheeks, snow still caked on his coat and boots, and “Mom!” yes love “I got 18 tickets at school today and I got to pick from the treasure box!” Clear excitement turns to clear, tear-filled disappointment before he could even take a breath, “But there wasn’t any left of what I wanted so I didn’t pick anything.” what did you want? He goes on to describe this item and says, “Can we PLEASE go get some now?” Apparently the explanation that I was about to brave the roads to retrieve his sister from a playdate unwisely agreed to, and the unpleasant at best road conditions had no bearing whatsoever. He began to have a teary breakdown. And I’m thinking… is he about to get sick, did he not get enough sleep last night that he would be THIS bent out of shape over this ridiculous item he’s just described?!?! I just laughed. While also telling him after a couple minutes that this type of upset emotional outburst should be saved for the injustices of children who are slaves, or going hungry, or who have lost parents, and that surely we needed to remove some of the luxuries of his life to help him gain some proper perspective. He finally took a breath and calmed down. Too bad he’s not mature enough yet to laugh about how incredibly absurd he was being. After the breath, he waited it out…holding on to his 18 tickets (the magic number of tickets earned for good behaviour that allows you a trip to the beloved box-o-meaningless treats) until the golden item appeared, today. What is that item? Yes, FLARP. A more interactive version of a whoopie cushion that causes shockingly unending delight and laughter. Basically gooey silly putty that manipulated “correctly” releases the sounds of old-man flatulation. The giggles over this NEVER end. I don’t get it. OK – I sort of do. For the first three minutes. THEN?!?!? Well… I sigh in defeat and let him enjoy. It helps him greatly that one of my favorite sounds in this life is his laugh. And then the sound of he and his sister laughing together. I melt like butta. And, for those who haven’t already heard me boasting time and again, I’ve been very proud of my son recently. He was struggling to progress in reading. He was meeting minumum requirements which didn’t qualify him for extra help. The day before Christmas break began his teacher said she’d be trying to make a case for him to get extra help beginning mid-January. He came into Christmas break with a 15 minute a day reading challenge from school. So, we dove into a book beyond his reading level, which I wasn’t sure was the best idea as he’d become frustrated and teary. But we pressed on. One week after returning to school he was tested again, and he’d improved TWO reading levels! I guess I was just impressed at how he never gave up, even when he was frustrated and feeling disappointed in himself… he didn’t stop, he’d keep going, he’d repeat sentences on his own so that he could read them more smoothly. It’s a good picture of perseverance…it doesn’t have to be pretty and look good, it just has to be tenacious and determined, even if tears are involved. We’re so proud of him. So…a little FLARP, six-year-old boy humor can certainly have a few minutes in his life.